My Journey Journal - Part One

Theses entries were when I found A Course in Miracles. The Course's influence on my thinking is apparent. 

6/30/11

I have so much going on in my head that I feel as if I will spontaneously combust if I don’t tell someone or let it out. I shall tell you everything. Pretend you are a dear, trusted friend.

The world is not what I thought it was. It is a dream I have chosen to believe..

Its hard to tell because there is not really a place to start telling.

The world is a projection of the mind. Its just as real as when we dream at night.

I guess it makes sense as I write it.

A mind is where we all are.

God is.

And then He extended

Himself to make us.

We are everything He is.

Then we thought there might be something other than God.

We chose to believe there was something else.

Our mind, because it believed in something separate, experienced separation.

The split experience is that there is God in half the mind and something separate in the other half.

We feel guilty that we have split our mind.

We are afraid God will punish us for separating from Him.

This fear and guilt is so tremendous that we want it out of us.

We decided to get it out, but it must go somewhere.

If not in us, then there must be an opposite of me to take it.

We project an opposite and must then also project a self.

We punish ourselves.

But it is only a belief.

Experience is determined by what the mind believes.

Chose to believe in unity, and not separation, and you will then experience it.

To wake up from consciousness, you must believe in only God.

Nothing in this world can affect you, because it is not of God but instead His opposite.

A real thing’s existence must deny its opposite’s.

Deny Fear

Love All

7/01/11

This is more than just looking at the events and situations in your life with a positive attitude.

The events and situations have already happened to you.

You must believe, act, and have trust that you have dreamt this world for yourself.*

This world is entirely dualistic.

I have always thought you had to have an opposite to be able to define yourself. How can there be white without black. You couldn’t define light without dark to compare with. But how can duality be real? If light were real, then how could there be a dark? Light would be so absolute that it couldn’t be possible to think of dark.

For something to be real, it cannot have an opposite.

I must be the same as everything if I am real.

God must be the only real thing.

I am with God. I am one.

That’s how it makes sense in my head.

So they tell me only love is real. Only God.

The Things I Think About

I want to talk to someone about the things that I think about. The answers are inside.

To look in a place for answers where you have only tried to avoid. I have looked long and hard for a place of retreat in this cruel, dark, and lonely world. I sought refuge in the many idols it has to offer and thought they would help me cope. 

I am done searching on the outside, for a salvation that cannot be found in the world. The only other place to look is on the inside. That is the opposite of what the world teaches. Look for happiness everywhere else except for inside of yourself.

That is where I now look. I have a feeling that the search is not in vain.

A lot of people believe that God created life. But why would God create children, if only to put them in a world where they struggle and suffer? Why would a loving Father extend His Life to something, if only to let that something suffer pain and die? If that were the truth, God would be cruel. He would be vindictive. That cannot be so.

So either a loving God is real, or our unloving world is real. They both cannot be real. They are contradictions of each other. If there is a loving God, He would not make a world where we all struggle with so much guilt and pain. 

Which is real. Well how do you define real?

When something is real, it exists. It does not have to protect its realness, because it will be real no matter what. It cannot be made unreal, so something real must always be real. Nothing can change that it is real or threaten its realness. If something is real than it is real.

What is real cannot be threatened. What is not real does not exist.*

Does the unloving world or a loving God better fit the definition of real?

The unloving world is full of bodies, which decay, wither away over time, and die. All the things in this world eventually corrode. It appears to be a pretty threatened world, in which everyone is always defending themselves.  

A loving God is believed to be omnipotent. He is all-powerful and all-knowing. He is God and always has been. If God knows everything and can do anything, then God cannot be threatened by anything. He does not have to protect Himself, because He cannot be vulnerable! If God cannot be threatened, then He is real.

If God is real, this unloving world must not be real.

If the world is not real, God did not create the world. 

Change your Mind

You may think you are responsible for what you do, but not for what you think. But what you do comes from what you think. Our hand cannot move without permission from our mind. So it is only at the level of the mind that you can exercise choice.*

Maybe we are responsible for what we choose to spend our time thinking about.

Many of us spend plenty of time feeling guilty about the things we have done and said in the past. We feel pretty bad thinking about what others have done and said to us too.

We also spend a lot of time feeling anxious about the future and things we need to do.

In fact, most of our time is spent feeling guilty about the past and fearful of the future.

So, let us take this present moment to examine what we are thinking about right now.

Spend a minute looking at your thoughts, without judgment or guilt. Just look at your thoughts.

Almost as if you are a third party to them, observe your thoughts, if only for a few moments. Try not to associate the normal feelings of guilt or fear to them. Just look at what you are thinking about.

It is a little trickier than you might think.

But being a little more aware of what you are thinking might inspire you to change your mind about what you spend your time thinking about.